Last Day of the Month

I always feel a little bit sad when the last day of the any month rolls around, because it is for me just another way to mark the passage of time and the realization that time moves forward, not backward, and that I am getting older and moving closer to that point-in-time where I will have no more tomorrows.  July, obviously, was an interesting month for me as I spent 6 days in the Hospital part of which was a day in ER and another day in ICU (not a good experience) and the remaining days on the Cardiac (Heart) floor of the main hospital.  My room was well appointed with a reasonably sized bed, a lounger, and a couch and more than adequate sized bathroom.

After visiting my Infectious Disease Doctor for a follow-up on Wednesday of me leaving the hospital, it was brought to my attention how SICK I was in that I could have died in the ER and if my wife had delayed any longer bringing me to the ER in the first place, I most certainly would not be alive today.

My blood pressure was 79/59, and I was experiencing afib, heart and kidney failure, and was sepsis all at the same time and ER Doctors and Nurses weren't sure if I was going to make it, especially since I had an infection that they could not identify and were deeply concerned that there would not be a positive outcome.

As I recall as I lay on the ER bed, I saw half a dozen people hovering over me but did not know why because I feel pretty good...  actually, I was more scared that anything else and that feeling overpowered my feeling nauseous and BLAH as was the case when I arrived.  I had vomited twice and I was not sure if that would happen again in the ER or not.  I was also unstable when I walked creating the need for a wheelchair to bring me back to the ER exam room.

UNCERTAINTY and FEAR of that uncertainty are the greatest mental components that I faced while being attended to in the ER, making me feel that I was not sick and all and why all the FUSS.

BUT, all that is in the past and this is the last day of the month, and when tomorrow arrives, I will only have 11 days left of IV antibiotic infusions or 33 infusions.  AND, August then will represent my transition month as I return to normalcy and the life I was leading before this happened.

Today, I sit on my screened-in back porch since there is minimal sun and watch it rain a little and the storm clouds pass by left to right while the hummingbirds fight over the food and there is relative quiet in the Valley.  My neighbors are inside as always giving the appearance that the community has yet to awaken.

Half Way In

Today, represents the half-way point for me taking IV Antibiotics at home with the end day being August 11, 2020  so when I complete my 3 pm infusion, I am half-way into this process and begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, so I am coming out.

My night sweats continue but not every night nor are they are severe anymore and my weight loss continues although it has slowed down a "tad".  My weight is now 225 and back in February, 2020 it was right at 250, so 25 pounds have been lost over the last 5 months with the understanding that 12 pounds have been lost over the last 13 days.

As mentioned before, I have been counting my calories since February and before I was hospitalized, I was eating about 1900 calories/day and after my hospitalization, I was eating about 1300 calories/day and over the last couple of days, I have increased to about 1600-1800 which is returning me to normal although I am not eating all the PROTEIN that I should be eating daily...  and food still does not taste that good which is a byproduct of the antibiotic.

In any event, 12 more days, not counting today.

Good Report

My Infectious Disease Doctor UT Medical Center from when I was in the hospital for 6 days, requested a follow-up visit after my release which was today and the report he gave me was that my blood work was indicating that all my markers were returning to normal and that there was no side effects from me taking the antibiotics at home which now means that I am free to do anything that I physically feel like doing (except get into a pool and/or a hot tub) as long I take good precautions to protect my PICC line.

He wants to continue the antibiotics for the full 4 weeks to make sure that the drugs continues to work on any remaining infection and even though he may not need to because of my blood work.  He cautioned me in the future not to ignore any cuts on my body and make sure I disinfect them and cover them to keep this from happening again...  and no, just because I had a Staph Infection one time does not necessarily mean that I am a good candidate to get another one.

He also told my wife to increase the time my infusions take (from 15 minutes to 20 minutes) to see if that will eliminate the nausea I feel when she has completed my most recent infusions.  While my nausea is brief, slowing the infusion rate down may eliminate them altogether.

NOTE:  Last night was the first night since I had been released from the Hospital that I did not have night sweats and my morning's weight taking indicated that I had gained a pound even though I had not increased my eating yesterday.  Is there a connection between weight loss and night sweats?

Losing Weight after leaving the hospital

After being home 11 days/nights, I have lost 12 lbs which is averaging to a little over a lb/day and I have no idea is that is a good or bad weight loss situation.  I am only drinking about 1/2 the water I should be drinking and I am eating about 500 calories less each that than I was before, so the weight loss must be coming from my nightly sweating or from my urination or both.

Tomorrow, I see the Infectious Disease Doctor as a follow-up for me leaving the hospital and this is going to be one of my questions along with the the constant BLAH feeling that I have each day.  White fatigue is also a concern, it is not daily experienced however, I have more fatigue days than I do not, so I would like to know why, especially since my Home Health Nurse said it was attributed to the IV Antibiotics that I have been taking 3 times a day.

What is clear to me...  that when one has a STAPH infection in the bloodstream...  and spends 6 days in the hospital that is takes 3 times that amount of time that one spent in the hospital to get better.  So, if this were to happen to you, you might as well figure 4-6 weeks, perhaps 2 months to get out from under the impact to one's body...  especially, if you are over 60 and more so if you are over 70 or 80.

Home Health Nurse Visit

My insurance pays for the cost of a Home Health Nurse to visit with me twice a week while my wife is administering IV Antibiotics to make sure my health does not decline, to change my dressing covering the PICC line,to answer any questions, to monitor my daily weight/temp chart, and to collect blood for analysis once a week.  These visits will continue until August 11, and I am pretty sure that this Nurse will be responsible for removing my PICC line when the treatment is over.

The nurse is supposed to call the day before but this nurse has been calling about an hour before she arrives, letting us know that she is on her way.  I have no problems with the last minute call, but my wife does because she wants to make sure that she has the opportunity and sufficient time to present a clean environment.

I suppose that this is one of the differences between some females and some males and will perhaps never change.

The results from my blood work last week indicate that there has been no damage to any of my internal organs as a result of these antibiotics except a slightly elevated blood/sugar count of 135 and an elimination of my good bacteria which I try to replace daily by eating a container of Yogurt each day.

My body only lost a half pound between yesterday and today so perhaps it is finally adjusting to the antibiotics although I am still fatigued and sleeping in the early evening before my 11 pm treatment and every night there continues to be moderate sweating of my upper body during the night.

My only other concern is that it will be 2 months since I had my last OPDIVO infusion for Melanoma and 1 month since I have taken any daily pills for LYMPHOMA...   The good news is that I had a CT scan performed while in the hospital and it showed no significant growth...

Being Back Home

It is my ninth day at home since I left the Hospital after being there for 6 days and as part of my release, I am supposed to have IV infusions of antibiotics three times a days, and as part of Home Health's requirements, I am supposed to take my weight every day (at the same time) and my temperature.  After nine days of doing this, my temperature has remained relatively normal but my weight has dropped 9 pounds or 1 pound/day which in and of itself does not mean that much and I did need to loose the weight, but losing weight that fast still bothers me.

According to my CALORIE INTAKE spreadsheet, during the last 8 complete days, I have eaten 500 calories less per day except on one day I ate 400 calories more with 1800 calories being that point around which I was measuring.

In February of this year, I started counting my calories and before I went into the hospital, my weight had dropped from 250 to 235 +/-  or 15 pounds in about 4 months which is about 3-4 pounds each month which is slow and perfect weight loss so it does not harm the overall body in anyway.  However, compare that 3-4 pounds/month to 1 pound/day...  if this new loss is projected for 30 days, there would be 30 pounds of loss in 30 days which is now an indication that something else might be going on inside me.

With that said, let me point out here that while I was in the Hospital, a CT without contrast was performed and showed NO GROWTH as compared to my last scan 90 days ago...  so this contradicts my concerns...  but, I still have them nonetheless.

PICC Line

A PICC line gives your doctor access to the large central veins near the heart. It's generally used to give medications or liquid nutrition. ... A PICC line is one type of catheter used to access the large veins in your chest (central venous catheter).

Watch this video about installing a PICC line...   (below)

Home For A Week

It has been a week, since I was released from UTMC Hospital with the understanding that I continue to have IV Antibiotics infused into my body 3 times a day in order to make sure that the STAPH infection has been completely destroyed.  These antibiotics are to continue until August 11, 2020 or for another 18 days.

Ever since I have been home, Home Health has asked my wife in addition to administering the antibiotic infusions to take my weight and temperature daily.  So far, I have lost a lb. each day which has gotten me a little worried even though I needed to loose the weight.  Prior to going into the hospital, I had lost 12-15 lbs. by counting my calories and making sure that I ate under 2,000 calories/day.  Now the pounds continue to drop away yet I feel like I am eating the same amount of food that I was eating before I went into the hospital.     

In addition to losing weight, I have continued to feel like I am or have been sick with a "BLAH" feeling accompanied with nausea and fatigue.  Today, I got a phone call from a relative who told me that I sounded pretty good, even though I told him I did not feel all that good.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I did, in fact, feel pretty good.

Maybe it is not taking me 3 days for every day in the hospital to start feeling better.  I guess I'll just have to wait until tomorrow to see how I feel.

Not Something One Wants to Talk About Typically

Upon my discharge from UT Medical Center, I received a phone call from a NURSE who follows-up with patients who have just been discharged to make sure they are ok and to make sure that they have or are following their discharge instructions.  During this phone call, the NURSE told me that it typically took 3 days at home to every day in the Hospital before one returns to normal.  So, as far as my situation is concerned that would mean I have to endure 18 days at home before I should begin not to just feel better but before I return to that lifestyle that was considered NORMAL for me.

I have been home 5 days so far.

During those 5 days, I continue to lose 1 pound a day and while I am eating, I am still not eating at the levels I was before I went into the hospital.

I still feel FATIGUED more than anything else with a little bit of nausea that crops up from time-to-time mainly associated with after I have eaten something.  I continue to drink coffee in the mornings like I used to, but maybe 1 cup at the most whereas before it was 4-5 cups of coffee and we are not talking about those small coffee cups but large 16 oz cups...

HOWEVER, marks a milestone, at least for me, because this morning was the first time I have had a substantial bowel movement since I was admitted to the hospital some 11 days ago.  I have felt like a rabbit when it comes to this because the size has been life golf balls and that is not normal for me at all...  but it all changed for me yesterday...   and, this tells me I am on the road to recovery...

Perhaps you have already experienced something like this or perhaps not...  in any event, my comments and sharing of personal, private information is being done solely for the purpose of the reader's education...  perhaps to make their experience a little less uncertain and frightening.

Home Health Nurse Visit

When my Home Health Nurse came to see me yesterday, she drew blood from one of two access points of my PICC line and today the access point from which she drew the blood will not work...  is there a connection here with drawing blood or did that one access point simply crap out?  Pitfalls I suppose of not being in the hospital and having almost immediate access to everything...  as long as you are willing to wait in line.

Now, it appears that someone will need to come out to the house and see if they can get that access point working because there is less risk doing that than inserting a new PICC line at home, especially since I have 21 days remaining on my IV Antibiotic Treatments at home every 8 hours.

On the bright side, I was able to finally shave after being released last Friday which is longer than I usually wait to shave...  usually it is every other day.

Home Health Nurse

Received a call this morning informing us that our Home Home Nurse would be there is 30 minutes and while this did not bother me, my wife was in a tizzy because she had to spruce-up the living room, get her hair fixed and put on her face as she says it...  but, all-in-all, the home health nurse only cares about performing her duties and quite possibly a nice smelling living and human body with which to work.

The Home Health Nurse arrived and after asking a few questions, drew blood and said she would be back Thursday to draw more blood and change my PICC bandage.  She draws blood she said to make she that the antibiotic does not "mess up" my kidneys which is how this whole damn infection thing started...  somewhat of an irony.

My Home Health Nurse reminded me of a Hersey's Kiss but then most nurses I encountered in the hospital where kind of rotund as well leaving me to wonder why they do not follow their own healthy advice that they give out each day.

7:00 am -- 3:00 pm -- 11:00 pm

Reminds me of a Dr. Pepper commercial except their times were 10-2-4 or when people typically were taking breaks at work.

Three times a day, my wife administers a dose over a 10 minute interval to kill off any residual staph infection that might be left in my body...  this will take place until August 11 which will total about 30 days after release from the hospital.

At first my body felt nauseous after the infusion for about an hour or two, sometimes all day, but now that has changed and my body doesn't seem to be experiencing any nausea or if it is, the nausea is very mild.

The fatigue associated with this is still present and napping continues to take place.

My appetite is gradually coming back or at least it was there yesterday where I consumed a little over 1600 calories that has previously been about 1100 each day.

ALL OF MY CANCER TREATMENTS HAVE STOPPED BECAUSE OF THIS INFECTION AND WILL NOT RESUME UNTIL IT HAS THEORETICALLY CLEARED MY BODY....  hopefully, I will only be away from these drugs for a month...

,For the Next THIRTY Days

As part of my release from the Hospital, my wife agreed and was trained to administer antibiotics to me every 8 hours and we also agreed to a visit from the Home Health Nurse twice a week to draw blood samples.  My infusion times are:  11 pm, 7 am, and 4 pm.  There are precise instructions for her to follow but after the first few times, she no longer needs to read the instructions.  The main concern is looking for air bubbles in the Saline Solutions and Heparin.

On my side of the fence, I still experience nausea with each infusion but not to the point yet where I have to take a pill.  And, it would appear that my back pain has subsided to the point where at least right now, I don't need any Tylenol.

I am back on my structured pill routine, although the hospital administered my pills periodically throughout the day which I suppose works too, but the routine of morning and evening pills seems to work better for me, especially my Thyroid pill which is again being taken each day at 9 am.

My "In Progress" Ordeal of Staying in the Hospital

Day 6  --  Friday --  Release Day

The day began like any other day in my room on the Cardiac Wing/Floor of the UT Hospital, the centerpiece of the UT Medical Center.  My doctor came in early and told me that there was a good possibility that I would be going home...

I was set-up with a Home Health Nurse who would be checking on the PICC line that would be inserted later today to administer antibiotics for another 30 days after leaving the Hospital.

My IV's were removed after lunch but the heart monitor remained and would not be disconnected until I was handed my discharge papers

While waiting in the room, my wife and I reflected on how this started with a kidney infection and a 103 degree temperature and turned into a blood pressure of 79/49, afib, heart failure, kidney failure, and the belief that I had contracted COVID.

Once my dinner was served, the nurse brought and went over my discharge papers and by 7:30 pm I was in the car and headed home...  with absolutely not regrets.

My "In Progress" Ordeal of Staying in the Hospital

Day 1 - Sunday

Two or three days earlier, I had been to clinic and told I had an UTI and was given meds but could not drink or eat after the first day because I was running a 103 degree temperature; so, on Sunday, we went to the ,ER and my body let go and my blood pressure dropped, my heart went into afib and failed, and my kidneys failed.  I had a team of about 8 doctors and nurses working on me, that I could see and just as a precaution, one doctor inserted a central line into my body which was connected directly to an artery so fluids and meds could be pushed into me quicker.  After being stable for several hours, I was transported to an ICU room/area where they would continue to monitor me.  My teams of doctors were unable to find the source of the infections.

Day 2 - Monday

I spent the entire day in ICU and was constantly being monitored and was unable to sit in a chair but could raise the back of my bed.  Doctors took a COVID test to rule that out as a source of the infection but because I had responded so quickly did not think I had the disease.  Forced to lay on my back or one or both of my sides, my lower back pain increased and when I mentioned was told that my infection could have made it worse.  I ate my first meal in ICU but was still not very hungry even after not eating for 3 days.  Late that evening, I was released from ICU and was given a private room on the heart floor of the hospital and it is in this room where I had my first bowel movement.

Day 3/4  -  Tuesday/Wednesday

Both these days were pretty much the same where I actually saw the nurses more than I did in ICU as they administered antibiotics and other fluids and meds at random hours, at least to me, of the day and/or night but obvious being woke up for a blood pressure test at 1 am and then again at 4 am does not make any sense.

It was during these two days that I saw the biggest contradiction to what was going on between the various nurses and how they respond to you.  Some, I thought, simply had no purpose being there in any aspect of their job as far as I was concerned.

On Wednesday, my wife and I walked around the perimeter of the floor which really made me feel like I was making progress.  Although, ever since arriving to the main hospital, I have had the freedom to use my my bed, my lounge chair, or my couch all of which are in my room.

Day 5 - Thursday//TRANSITION DAY

I have been stable for several days and it is time for me to be released...  quite possibly on Friday.  But, my new nurse for the evening told me that my MRI cannot be scheduled until Monday and the doctor is looking into the possibility of releasing me and having me return but I will just have to wait and see.

My "In Progress" Ordeal of Staying in the Hospital

Preface

Where to I begin so that there is a meaningful end to this "soon to be" long and windy article that will have multiple posts....  

Let me start with the NURSES:   They are not at all like you on TV or in the movies and so far I have got them categorized into 3 groups:

1. Them that should have gone back to the house before their shift started...  and, as much as I respect old people as I am myself old at 72, see these nurses waddling and shuffling through their shift, with no cares, concerns, or urgency in what they are doing...   but, most importantly, they are forgetful and don't apologize for it at all.  It is difficult to ascertain if these nurses are dedicated or simply afraid to retire.
2. Them who are energetic, full of life, love their job and helping people, incredibly competent, and look to things that will make the patient's life more enjoyable while under their particular care.  They are thorough and are proud that they are like that.
3. Them who are still children in their minds and are not quire sure how they passed all their exams in school but glad they did and only do the minimum to get by and try like the dickens to avoid emptying a urinal.  I believe that "space cadet" got its name from these types of nurses.

Next would be the areas of activity and in my particular case, it was the:

• ER
• ICU
• The General Population (sounds like I'm an inmate don't it?

Next would be the doctors...  and, I have experienced two kinds:

A - those that wear white coats, and who constantly keep their hands in their little pockets of their little white coats and who don't say a word but stand in the back as dignified as they can get given the circumstances and observing everyone with an air of contempt or uncertainty, as they hope they don't have to do anything else but like lending their title.

B -  On the Line Generals...  and these are the ones you want to have because get the job done, have the experience, knowledge, education, and skill sets to get the job done, teach, and motivate others even if they need to act like Patton.

C - the administrator who are competent doctors in their own right but must also be politicians who are adept with people skills, listening skills, and communicating skills, and would offer themselves quite sacrificially if they needed to, in order to get the job done

I have been in this damn hospital since Sunday and I may not get to leave until tomorrow (Friday) or Monday...  The only positive thing to say about my room on the heart floor of the general population is that it is bigger than my inside room on a Royal Caribbean Cruise Ship with an large shower that has little water pressures and takes almost until the next day to get hot, but has one of the best damn commodes on which my butt has sat in a long time.

Unless I have digressed, I will write more later.

Thanks for being patient with me...  no pun intended.

In Case i Don't Post Anything Over the last Couple of Days: This Is The Reason

I was seeking out the services of a Physical Therapist and was experiencing s profound in my lower back and decided to see the doctor at the Clinic.  All of my problems could be attributed to a Urinary Tract Infection and I never experienced anything quite so painful.

 I am talking a couple of days off.

Physical Therapy

According to the prescription, I have 5 more visits left to learn how to exercise to keep my back
muscles strong so that my lower back issues will be minimized and quite possibly never return...  I was also told today that the kind of policy that I have and the company providing that policy I no longer have to visit a back specialists in order to go to a Physical Therapy Center for therapy...  it would appear that the Center can initiate the action.


It would be my take that it is cheaper to simply go to a therapist than to get referred to a therapist by a specialist who is probably going to send the person there anyway.  It also seems that this could be manipulated very easily by the therapist so I wonder how long it will last.

My back problems were not caused by my cancer treatments directly but my cancer treatments encouraged my arthritis to worsen which in turn caused my lower back and shoulder issues.  However, had I not had any cancer treatments, my arthritis would have worsened on its own so I would actually be in the same situation I am in today...  but maybe a few years later...  but, what the hell...  it would have happened to me sooner or later....  it is just part of getting old.

How To Be Successful... STOP THE FOLLOWING

SLL and CLL are the Same Disease

Small lymphocytic lymphoma (SLL) is a cancer of the immune system. It affects infection-fighting white blood cells called B-cells.

SLL is one type of non-Hodgkin lymphoma, along with chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL). The two cancers are basically the same disease, and they're treated in the same way. The only difference is each cancer is located in a different part of the body.

In SLL, cancer cells are mainly in the lymph nodes. In CLL, most of the cancer cells are in the blood and bone marrow.

From the getgo, my lymphoma has been in the lymph nodes and in the blood and bone marrow which I was told 13 years ago that my cancer was in Stage IV but in my particular case that did not mean I was terminal.

           

SLL/CLL is the most common form of leukemia among adults in the United States, making up 37%  of cases.  In 2019, doctors will diagnosed about 21,000 new U.S. cases of SLL/CLL. Each person’s lifetime risk of getting SLL/CLL is 1 in 175 or .5% which is extremely low.

The data shows that types of cancer can be passed down from one generation to the next.  My father had a type Leukemia and I am sure that my cancer in part came from him.  But, my mother had two forms of breast cancer and in her late 80's was diagnosed with Lymphoma but several years after I had been diagnosed with Lymphoma...

My brother and sister, 8 years younger and 4 years older respectively, have yet to be diagnosed with any type of cancer.  Knock on wood...  but, I am sure it only came to me and quite possibly my daughter...

Each Day A Little Different

Recently, I have been going to bed anywhere between 9:00 and 10:00 pm and awaking around 7:00 to 7:30 am when my wife finally opens the door and lets in our bellowing Siamese Cat who has decided it is time for me to be up and not out-of-sight.  I rub him for a few minutes and he follows me around the house for a few minutes more expecting continued rubbing until I get my first cup of coffee and sit on the couch...  then, he goes out to the screen-in back porch where he will remain in a cushioned chair for the remainder of the day or most of it anyway...

It is at this point that I can basically determine what kind of day it is going to be for me...  a day of moderate energy, high energy, or no energy.

Today, I am experiencing a new category where my sinuses are draining some kind of yellowy, sticky mucus into my nose; my ears seem to be full of liquid like I just got out of the ocean water after a day of body surfing, popping open once in a while so that I could hear a pin drop then close back up...  my eyes ache and I feel as if I need a few more hours sleep to correct the situation but don't feel tired at all which can be a good sign for me.

There is no hunger inside my stomach even though I did not eat much yesterday and I attribute that to my sinuses and not to growing cancer which can also steal away one's hunger.  And, for the first time in months I have noticed that most (about 98%) of the bruises on my arms have disappeared...   I easily bruise these days because I take a baby aspirin each day for my heart and have been doing so for over 10 years.

Today also, there is no numbness in the tips of my fingers either which has been happening every morning for a good 10 years as well...  although, maybe not every morning like today.  I don't know if it is because of the way I sleep or if something else is causing it or possibly both contribute in some way of which I am not aware...

BUT...  all-in-all, this is a typical morning for me and I will sit here until 10:00 am watching FOX NEWS knowing that when hosts change at 9:00 am, it is time to take my Thyroid medication.

This could be a rough week...

Staying Happy

This is a really hard concept to achieve for many of us as happiness if oftentimes a feeling that comes and goes and when one is in a state of not being happy does not necessarily mean that one is UNHAPPY.  For years, I have not felt happy with what I am doing...  it was more like these activities are being done because I needed to do them.  When I was in a situation where I was enjoying myself, it did not mean that I was happy as I enjoyed myself.

According to an online Google search:  Happiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can't help but smile. It's the opposite of sadness. Happiness is a sense of well-being, joy, or contentment. When people are successful, or safe, or lucky, they feel happiness.

Kinda odd because when I am successful, safe, or lucky, I did not sense or make a point of saying or feeling that I was happy...

Depression on the other hand, is a lack of happiness I suppose... 

and, according to online Google:  Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems.

Again, there is a differing of my opinion because I was sad that I had gotten a divorce but I never felt depressed nor did I especially feel happiness...  it was just something that was and then it was not.

Not too long ago, my wife and I visited Myrtle Beach, SC for 6 days and while I sat on the beach looking at the water, its waves, and the people playing out in the water or walking by me on the sand, I did not necessarily feel a sense of happiness...  but, at the same time, I had the feeling that I did not want to do anything either.  

• I did not want to get into the water and play
• I did not want to get out of my chair and walk
• I did not want to read a book or listen to a book
• I did not want to get some paper and write
• I did not want to talk to anyone

Could this mean that I was clinically depressed?

There have many many times during the last 12 years while being treated for my cancers that I felt uncertain, had fear, and was sad because of all the turmoil associated with my life...  but, I never saw myself as being depressed.

Over the years, one learns to live with sadness, being alone, being unhappy, lethargy, and a sense of not liking what is happening...  in time, whatever trigger put you there goes away and you get about your life and do what needs to be done...   It is just that simple...  even if you are not happy, ever felt happiness, or just accepted what life offered you.

Checking My Cancer Involvement

In 8 days, I have a CT Scan and in 11 days, I see my Oncologist again to let me know the results of the CT Scan and if my cancer is simply riding along or gain speed...  I am in an interesting position in that, my CT Scan is basically looking for 2 types of cancer:  Non-Hodgkin's "B" Cell Lymphoma and Melanoma that is growing in the same spots as it previously was or has moved to a new location.

I am sure that my Oncologist will also ask about my overall physical condition relative to my Thyroid Meds in case he needs to increase the dosage.  Why do I say that?  Because I have been again feeling tired and have a loss of energy in the afternoons that had disappeared when I first started taking my Thyroid Meds.

I am also experiencing symptoms of mild depression or something because I have been thinking that if I contracted the Coronavirus that it would solve all my problems; although, I have absolutely no desire to do that...

What has been on my mind prompted by my daughter not sending me a Father's Day Card is the fact that ever since 1990 or for the last 30 years of my life, I have had NO NETWORK OF SUPPORT close to my location and have had absolutely no friends that I wanted to be with after work or on the weekends.  My wife and I see HER FRIENDS and I say that because we have nothing in common and therefore, we have nothing to talk about when together.

Since my wife retired, we seldom see any of her friends anymore either, although there are 2-3 that she alone stays in touch with and gets together for lunch and/or a movie.

In short, I am alone everyday, especially in the summer because my wife goes out on the deck and sits in the sun or under the gazebo and reads all day long, leaving me inside to do whatever all day long...  That whatever for me is writing and posting articles on my blogs, sleeping (napping actually) and watching the SyFy Channel or specifically the "X" Files or something like that...  since not all SyFy is good and worth watching.

Napping could also be a sign of depression or in my case more along the lines of my Thyroid than depression or actually it could be both I suppose.

Celebrate the 4th of July

Expectations

Counting Calories

After four months of counting calories each day,  my intake of calories during that four month period (March, April, May, June) was 1930/day which I was hoping would be lower (closer to 1500) but it was still below 2000 which makes me happy and over the course of those four months, I have lost 10 pounds or roughly 2.5 pounds per month.

I will continue with my daily ritual of counting calories which in turn forces me to watch what I eat but not so much when I eat it...  still, something is better than nothing. 

It would be nice to reduce my weight to 205 which is the weight at which I felt the best but that would mean losing another 35 pound over a period of 14 months...  and, I suppose that is possible but highly unlikely given my age and lack of daily physical exercise...  Even if there was exercise, losing weight is a function of how much you eat and not how much you exercise.

Also in this process, I discovered that I was not eating enough protein or vegetables but the other 3 groups:  grain, dairy, and fruit, I was pretty much satisfying with what I ate...  and if anything that I needed to cut back on grains.

The Ups and Downs of Being a Cancer Patient

Ever since we returned from Myrtle Beach, I have not felt rested after I awake in the mornings, partially due to going to the bathroom multiple times at night again, and in the afternoon I feel like taking a nap and whether I do or not, I am in bed by 7:30 pm and fast asleep by 8:00 pm or maybe earlier...  and, sleep until 7:30 am when the process again repeats itself...

This is exactly what I experienced right before my Oncologist put me on Thyroid medication...  so, it would appear to me that my dosage needs to be increased although I am not a doctor, just someone who collects mental data and makes comparisons.

Overall, I feel sluggish again from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed with only the slightest bit of motivation to do anything other than prepare articles to post on my blogs and even then I am not that excited about doing that.

I have a CT Scan in a couple of weeks and see my Oncologist a couple of days after of the same week, so I really should share this information with him; although, there is always the possibility that my cancer has started to grow again...  which I do not really think about unless I have to or something get stuck in my thoughts.

This is no way to live but this is my life nonetheless.