Last Day of the Month

I always feel a little bit sad when the last day of the any month rolls around, because it is for me just another way to mark the passage of time and the realization that time moves forward, not backward, and that I am getting older and moving closer to that point-in-time where I will have no more tomorrows.  July, obviously, was an interesting month for me as I spent 6 days in the Hospital part of which was a day in ER and another day in ICU (not a good experience) and the remaining days on the Cardiac (Heart) floor of the main hospital.  My room was well appointed with a reasonably sized bed, a lounger, and a couch and more than adequate sized bathroom.

After visiting my Infectious Disease Doctor for a follow-up on Wednesday of me leaving the hospital, it was brought to my attention how SICK I was in that I could have died in the ER and if my wife had delayed any longer bringing me to the ER in the first place, I most certainly would not be alive today.

My blood pressure was 79/59, and I was experiencing afib, heart and kidney failure, and was sepsis all at the same time and ER Doctors and Nurses weren't sure if I was going to make it, especially since I had an infection that they could not identify and were deeply concerned that there would not be a positive outcome.

As I recall as I lay on the ER bed, I saw half a dozen people hovering over me but did not know why because I feel pretty good...  actually, I was more scared that anything else and that feeling overpowered my feeling nauseous and BLAH as was the case when I arrived.  I had vomited twice and I was not sure if that would happen again in the ER or not.  I was also unstable when I walked creating the need for a wheelchair to bring me back to the ER exam room.

UNCERTAINTY and FEAR of that uncertainty are the greatest mental components that I faced while being attended to in the ER, making me feel that I was not sick and all and why all the FUSS.

BUT, all that is in the past and this is the last day of the month, and when tomorrow arrives, I will only have 11 days left of IV antibiotic infusions or 33 infusions.  AND, August then will represent my transition month as I return to normalcy and the life I was leading before this happened.

Today, I sit on my screened-in back porch since there is minimal sun and watch it rain a little and the storm clouds pass by left to right while the hummingbirds fight over the food and there is relative quiet in the Valley.  My neighbors are inside as always giving the appearance that the community has yet to awaken.