I Have Watched Myself Grow Old

Ever since 1990, when I moved to TN from NC at the age of 43, I have been aware of myself physically and mentally rather than via instincts and have, for the last 30 years, watched myself grow old...  older and older each day...  each week...  each month...  each year...  each decade...  and, the aging process is not always that pretty or welcomed.  I lost my closest friend along the way who died of colon cancer in his 60's and my other closest friendship was ended when I decided to have my taxes prepared locally.  Losing friends is not so easy...  and, making new ones is harder than one might expect...  so, for the last 30 years, my friends have been my co-workers and/or the friends that my wife brought into this marriage...  who would not really be my friends any longer if we were ever to divorce...

So...  from age 43-60, there was hardly any aging process at all...  at least none that I could detect.  I was eating healthy, sleeping appropriately, never got sick, never got the flu, and my wife and I were fast walking 5 miles a day around our community (so it was not always flat) and the healthy eating included hardly ever any red meat, no fried foods, minimal sugars and/or sweets, minimal alcohol, and mostly fruits and vegetables...

My blood pressure was low and my cholesterol was low (both the good and the bad) and the only issue that could have bothered me during those 17 years of relative BLISS was the amount of STRESS that I encountered each day.  My career had taken off in that I was working 60+ hour weeks and bring work home on the weekends...  and, it was not because my bosses demanded that amount of time but because I wanted to give it or that I felt like my job needed it as I always went above and beyond.

AT THE AGE OF 60...  my world turned to shit...  not literally but figuratively or metaphorically I suppose would be better because my world of health turned upside down...  I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma (SLL) and started treatment in 2008.  In 2009, it was discovered that I had experienced a heart attack while walking on the treadmill and exploratory surgery indicated that I needed a triple bypass.

My LAD (the widow maker) was blocked 100% and two other arteries on the left side of my heart were both blocked 90%.  Instead of having a bypass, I had my arteries cleaned out and stints inserted that took 3 operations in 2009 and 2010.  There procedures were performed at Presbyterian Hospital in NYC.  My Cardiologist said that because I was so damn healthy that my body created its own bypass by created dozens of vessels to transport blood which is what actually saved my life.

In 2012, Melanoma appeared on the bottom of my left foot probably brought by some of the drugs used for my chemo treatments and after being surgically removed reappeared in force in 2017 which resulted in me receiving radiation treatments.  Fatigue and nausea were my daily routine until my doctors discovered that my Thyroid was out of whack due to my chemo treatments.  And, while the fatigue and nausea have almost disappeared, they are lurking just around the corner I fear.

A prostate biopsy in 2020 left me with negative results but a high PSA puts me in a situation where I will be monitored often from now on...  And, because I had several polyps removed in a 2018 colonoscopy, my new routine for that procedure is now every 2 years instead of 5 or 10...  with my next one being scheduled for January 2021.

One would think that this would be enough, but the past July I was admitted to the ER with a Staph infection in my blood and because of afib, heart failure, kidney failure, and a blood pressure of 79/59, I was admitted to the hospital for 6 days.  Now my Cardiologist has informed me that once one has experienced afib, it will be with them for the rest of their lives.

My last PET scan that showed no metabolic activity in either of my cancers revealed that I have a tumor in one of my lungs that is just a few CM's in length (too small to biopsy) and I am scheduled for another CT scan in a couple of weeks to see if it has grown.

Because of all the chemotherapy, immunotherapy, and radiation my body virtually has no immune system and is experiencing anemia...  so, every other month, I am now receiving an infusion of IVIG which is supposed to help supplement what the treatments have taken away...  but, I am still susceptible to catching almost any other disease...  especially COVID...  and, that scare has kept me in the house unless I have to leave for any doctor's appointment...  but, when I do, I ALWAYS WEAR A MASK...

For 17 years I did everything right and was a model of physical health, exercise, and eating habits, but that made no difference at all...  and, while I am not angry or feel wrong for what I did, I still don't really understand why it happened to me and not someone else...  especially that someone who does not take care of themselves like I did.

Today, except for some major and minor adjustment, I feel pretty good about myself and my health and if you were to see me on the street, you would not suspect that I had a serious heart attack and had been receiving cancer treatments for 13 years.