Living With Cancer

EVERYDAY since I turned 60 years of age (and I am now 73), I have gone to bed, lived my life, and returned to bed with the constant realization that not only do I have cancer but my cancer could turn aggressive and my life could possibly shorten very quickly.

It is not the same feeling of a soldier going into battle because once that battle starts that soldier may or may not return...  for me it is a constant battle, not just one...  and, after the tour in the war zone, the soldier returns home...  but there is no returning home for me as my battle continues day after day, year after year, and decade after decade...  I am on my second decade now.

In addition to that hanging over my head, I can feel my body changing...  in the sense that the monthly steroid use has cause me to gain weight.  Constant chemo treatments over 12 years has left me with anemia and a very low immune system.  My susceptibility to other illnesses and disease is high and I have to be very careful everywhere I go.

Additionally, I must now live with constant fatigue that sometimes is there and sometimes is not but when it is, I can wake up in the morning after 8 hours of a really good sleep and feel so tired that I need to return to bed.  No motivation.  No desire to do anything.  Apathy all the time with no desire to try and shake it off.

Unless I am writing about my cancer and my physical condition, I try to ignore that I ever have cancer and live life as if I am perfectly fine...  although, since I also had a serious heart attack about 12 years ago, my physical movements are also limited and I no longer have the endurance that I used to have.  But, even with that also hanging over my head, I still try not to think that I am sick.

I work on my blogs and write everyday about something.  I watch the news and do research on the internet for subjects about which to write.  Every once in a while I teach a class for a local university which I am doing now, so I prepare for my class making sure that the students do not receive the SOS type of education.

Lymphoma Experiences

Each person's journey with cancer is different for several reasons:

• the type of cancer one has
• the type of treatment one receive
• how one's body reacts to treatment
• the medical beliefs of the Oncologist

Breast Cancer is treated differently than Lymphoma and to make matters worse there are 70 different varieties of Lymphoma...

My Oncologist in Knoxville, TN treated me with different chemo drugs than my Oncologist in Florence, KY because they interpreted the research differently.  And, there is a high degree of probability that the chemo I was administered by my KY Oncologist made my body more susceptible to Melanoma which is what I contracted only a few years later.

Each body reacts differently to chemo so the side effects that the doctors and nurses share with you will not pertain to each person in total.  For example, one of the side effects of Rituxan is a loss of hair but I never lost my hair.  And, one of the side effects is Cytoxin is nausea and vomiting both of which I experienced to an extreme but I still did not lose my hair which is also a side effect of Cytoxin.

One has to learn and accept the fact that one MUST MANAGE one's treatment process and do as much research as you can think of before any decision is made...   Had I done my research in KY rather than rely on my Oncologist to make the decisions, I would have refused his treatment...  All I had to do was call my Oncologist in TN and ask his advice...  but, I did not think that far ahead.

NOW, I am fighting Lymphoma as well as Melanoma...

Living With Cancer

If I remember correctly, I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's "B" cell Lymphoma in 2007 but my treatments did not start until 2008 for some reason because they had to watch it for 6 months...  sounds crazy but that was the protocol then.  So, as 2020 began 3 months ago, I had just entered my 13th year of treatment.

And, about 5 years into my treatment and after receiving some high powered chemo toxins, it was discovered (quite by accident) that I had Melonoma on the bottom of my left foot after first thinking it was a wart and having it cut off twice.  The Melanoma tumor was surgically removed and because of the skill of the surgeon, I did not lose any toes in the process.   And, since there was no protocols in place for a tumor that small and in the early stages, I received no
follow-up chemo treatments or radiation.  FOUR and a half years later, the Melanoma can back very aggressively in my groin and because of its extensiveness, could not be surgically removed this time.

Treatment for Melanoma was instituted and even though there was some disagreements between my Oncologist and his colleagues, my non-Hodgkin's "B" cell Lymphoma treatment continued not knowing if the two treatments would cancel each other out or not.  Radiation in my groin was added about 9 months later.

Well...  and, much to everyone's surprise ALL THREE TREATMENTS WORKED IN HARMONY and my cancers with both substantially reduced as was the indication of a PET/CT scan three months later.

ALL-IN-ALL and over the course of 12 years, I have had regular chemo, wicked chemo, surgery, radiation, IVIG treatment, Immunotherapy treatments and pills....   and, one would think that my body would have been RAVAGED by all this medical abuse.  AND, while I have been extremely sick and had to go to the ER six times to stop vomiting every hour or so, my body has been magically or spiritually resilient.

I have had 3-4 squamous cell carcinomas surgically removed that were typical side effects of the chemo, but NO HAIR HAS FALLEN OUT on the top of my head except that which was supposed to fall out because of my family predispositions.  While not hair has fallen out, my body has gained 30 pounds as a result of over 150 infusions that are always and only given after receiving premeds that are loaded with STEROIDS to prevent/reduce nausea.  It is difficult to lose steroid induced weight gain.


My skin has lost some of its pink pigment making it look like my arms and neck were slightly burned in a fire but other than that, I have more-or-less felt pretty good for the last 12 years, except for daily then intermittent nausea that was EASILY eliminated with pills...   so, it represented only minor inconvenience that is to say...  looking back.

With that said, let me say that for the last THREE YEARS, I have had to deal with chronic fatigue which has been a BITCH to live with, but recently even that has begun to disappear as I believe my body is finally adjusting to the problem...  consequently, I have begun exercising again.

How long with this last?

I have no idea...

ONE DAY AT A TIME, is my new lifestyle...  as I begin to learn what this new pill for my THYROID issues is going to do to me.