Being Happy

Is it safe to come out yet?

COVID HUMOR

VIDEO Conference with Urologist

Yesterday, I had another video chat with my Urologist as a follow-up to recent blood work at his office and my PSA numbers had dropped from over 8 to over 6 which according to him was still a little high and I again listened to him explaining how this could be nothing or it could be something and that some Urologists would go ahead and perform a biopsy while others would wait... even though there are some fast growing and "wicked" prostate cancers.

He suggested that since there were no other adverse body symptoms that I should wait and in 3 months do another PSA test and see... if the results stay the same or reduce, then we wait some more but if the result are higher then we do a biopsy.

Interestingly, this is exactly how my treatment for Lymphoma began... wait and see... then 6 months later I began treatment and it has never ended... and, according to the Oncologist will never end...

Beginning Your Day

Meditation Metaphor

Click on white triangle twice then click on [ ] in lower right to enlarge to a full screen...

For the last 3 days, I have been working outside either in the yard, mowing or landscaping, or putting new caps on the deck rails and I had no idea how expensive decking boards were but I purchased 18 eight foot boards and 1 ten foot board and it cost right at $150...  about $8.34/board...  but, aside from the price was the fact that I worked from 9:00 am until 6:00 pm with a 60 minute break for lunch  or 8 hours for each of those 3 days...

FRIGGING AMAZING...  it is for me because for the last 6 months, I have been dragging my ass around each day doing work and force myself to perform 2-3 hours of manual labor before I have to stop...

WHAT'S CHANGED?

My THYROID meds that I have been taking each day has, for all intents and purposes, eliminated my fatigue...

I thought it was the two immunotherapy drugs that I have been taking...  but, NO, it was the immunotherapy drugs that caused me to have hypothyroidism...

WHAT A PISSER...

Staying At Home

WHAT if...

The Covid-19 Pandemic has a second wave of infections because Americans did not social distance, wear face masks, and did not thoroughly wash their hands?

Who would be to blame?

Forbes Headline:

Tens Of Thousands Of Beachgoers Flaunt CDC Social Distancing Guidelines Over Memorial Day Weekend. Here Are The Worst Offenders

Read Entire Story here...

Here's My Perfect Cancer Friend

Face Mask

Memorial Day 2020

NEW AMERICAN (COVID) GOTHIC 2020

Reluctantly Feeling Good

Aside from arthritis manifesting itself in my shoulder, hips, and knee joints, I feel pretty good all things considered...  in that I do not feel bad which I used to experience all the time...   kinda like being sick with the flu or just getting over being sick with the flu along with fatigue and bouts of nausea that caused me to take meds in order for it to subside.

These bouts of whatever took place at various time throughout the day and lasted 15 minutes upwards of 2-3 hours and then I was fine for the rest of the day except for feeling weak all over.  Sometimes, I would be sweating all over my chest and then so cold that I had to put on a sweatshirt or wrap myself up in a blanket...  these temperature fluctuations lasted about 20-30 minutes and took place only once a week or so.

It feels strange not feeling bad anymore...  and, rather odd knowing what all is going on inside my body leaving me to wonder if this is simply the calm before the storm...  if so, I dread it coming back because it was no fun at all.

Time For A Little Exercising

Dance Away Your Boredom

I WONDER...

For the last 2-3 years of my on-going cancer treatments for non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and bones of contention between my wife and I for me not wanting to get anything done, resulting in comments between us that should never have been said, let alone even thought.
Melanoma, I have experienced a level of fatigue that under the best of circumstances has been overwhelming at times and caused me to waste away each day in the arms of an lounge chair or couch and sometimes leading me back to the bedroom where I recline on the bed for a 2 hour nap whether I really want or need one at all...  those feelings of fatigue were not just depressing but were

BUT, for the last 30 days, I have been taking a mild form of a drug to regulate my hypothyroid condition caused by my cancer treatments according to my Oncologist who would not admit that my treatments caused me to contract Melanoma...  and, the results have completely eliminated most if not all of my fatigue...  which leaves me wondering that most of my side effects thought to be cause by my cancer treatments were not accurate but that they were caused by my thyroid...

Hypothyroidism's deficiency of thyroid hormones can disrupt such things as heart rate, body temperature, and all aspects of metabolism. Major symptoms include fatigue, cold sensitivity, constipation, dry skin, and unexplained weight gain.

Opdivo Day

Once a month,  I have an early morning drive down to the UT Medical Cancer Center for my 30 minute infusion of Opdivo for my Melanoma.  I mention early because if I don't get down there by 7:30/8:00 am then if it very difficult to find a parking place....  right beside the Cancer Center that is...  I can drive over to the parking garage and take the elevator to the ground floor and walk over to the Cancer Center but it seen, at least by me, as an inconvenience.

When I started these Chemo Treatments in 2007/2008, the parking lot in front of the Cancer Center stayed half full all day long...

When I finished today at 9:30 am, all the spaces were taken, people had parked along the curb where there was space, and there were a dozen cars circling around the lot waiting for people like me to leave. 

Since UT Medical Center is a public medical facility, I am sure that the increase is because many of the other private hospitals are refusing to care for these patients with limited or no insurance...   and, I have noticed over the last 12 years or so that the caliber of the patients has decreased...   in that the way they are dressed, their hygiene, and the way they talk including poor grammar.

Being an English Major in College, I notices these things...

A nurse asked me today, how long was I going to be getting these treatments and I replied, "until I die or they no longer work."

Covid-19 Announcement

Visit to the Urologist

I had an early morning visit to my Urologist's office for blood work, specifically to double check my PSA levels to confirm the PSA results that were discovered by my family physician.  I had a web conference with my Urologist earlier this month where he did not seem too concerned with my high PSA levels, especially because Prostate Cancer was very slow growing which pretty much gives him a 90 day window or so before any action needs to be taken...  These result will confirm high levels or not and then a follow-up visit with him later this month (another web conference) will determine what, if anything that he will do about it. 

PROTON THERAPY
When it comes to treating prostate cancer, it's important to know all of your treatment options. Proton therapy is a non-surgical outpatient procedure that has become a trusted method for treating prostate cancer with a lower risk of side effects and improved quality of life. Unlike other treatments like prostatectomy and brachytherapy, proton therapy is non-invasive.

Studies have shown that proton therapy is an ideal treatment for all stages of prostate cancer and reduces the risk of serious bowel or bladder complications (compared to traditional radiation), allowing men to maintain their normal daily activities both during and after treatment.

April Showers in May

April showers bring May flowers... or, so the saying goes but it seems like Mother Nature has it ass-backwards this time...  and, according to the weather forecast for this location for the rest of the week, we are going to have rain with intermittent showers with intermittent thunder along with our rain and showers...  sometimes, I think I got my degrees transposed.

And...  so today, I am sitting out on our screened-in back porch listening to the sprinkle of the rain as I wind-down from my 60 minute exercise routine of peddling for 20 minutes, walking for 1/2 mile, peddling for another 20 minutes and walking for another 1/2 mile that all total burns around 350 calories which is not even half the calories that are embedded in a CINNABON in case you were wonder which I have eaten two of this week and wish that I had eaten none.  WHY? 
Because, when "I" start eating that crap, I cannot stop and eat all kinds of other crap which is not good for me either for some reason...  it is like one is a trigger for the other... 

I decided that if I exercise every other day that I can achieve the same results as exercising for 5 days straight and taking 1-2 off and put less stress on my body which in turn will allow me to be not just more consistent but more determined with my exercising, psychologically enabling me to continue this for the long term...  or, at least until something medically causes me suspend this routine.

My body has been a little fickle in how it has responded to cancer treatments.

Need to see a therapist?

Staying Positive

Bruising Easily

I am not totally convinced that that bruising so easily comes entirely from me taking a baby aspirin every night before bed...  but, that it is a manifestation of the drugs that I have taken and continue to take for my cancers, heart and thyroid issues...  a combination of things if you will...  sometimes my arms look like I am supporting tattoos...  and, sometimes I joke as if these are my tattoos.


Today, I was taking some 8 foot decking wood out of the back of the car and as I carried 2 pieces of decking at a time, they rubbed against my forearm causing a bruised area to tear open and bleed.  Fortunately, it did not bleed too long which is a good sign and indicates my platelets are increasing.

I bruise easily all over but my forearms are the worst place and the easiest to notice and sometimes it looks like I have been in a fight and people ask me who won...  of course, they are joking but the point is that they noticed the bruises.

Kinda early but...

Earlier this evening, my wife came inside the house after being outside on the deck (but under the gazebo) all day and right away noticed the heat with which I had been enduring all day...  it was 86 degrees in here and I had been sitting in front of a fan all afternoon trying to keep cool...  she immediately closed the windows and turned on the air conditioning...  we try to resist turning on the  "air" as long as we can because it really "jacks up" our electric bills.  Normally, we have tried to wait until June but as both of us get older, our tolerance to the heat lessens and we are forced to depend on the air conditioning more and more.

Even though the air is on right now, we still have on (full blast) all of our ceiling fans plus a couple of portable fans to push around the cool air.  Once the inside gets cooled, the fans help keep it cool even when we raise temperature a little.

Sometimes growing old is just a bitch.

Daily Concerns

Each morning (not just on Sundays) that I awake, I am first thankful that I have been given another
day, but I am also keenly aware of my circumstances:

1. I am 72 years of age and overweight due to over 10 years of cancer treatment steroids
2. Been fighting non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma for over 12 years
3. Been dealing with implications arising from a serious heart attack for over 12 years
4. Been fight metastatic Melanoma for over 6 years (reoccurred twice after original)
5. Just diagnosed with Hypothyroidism
6. A Urologist could discover prostate cancer during the next couple of visits
7. Dealing with anemia, fatigue, nausea, and no immunity
8. Am easily bruised and slow to clot
9. Smoked cigarettes for 25 years (stopped at age 40)
10. Eat a healthy diet, drink no alcohol, and exercise regularly

My mental outside is sound not taking into consideration intermittent depression, anxiety, and panic attacks that seem to be getting more prevalent as I continue to age.  Not sure what brings them on because the triggers vary...  and, there are times when I feel so faint (has nothing to do with not eating regularly) that I am sure that I will pass out unless I lay; down and cool off.  Of course, this could be associated with my Thyroid that my Oncologist assured me was the result of all my cancer treatments.

I am hoping or it is my wish, desire that when others read my thoughts, feelings, situations, and concerns about what it is like to live with cancer that they will gain encouragement or feel reassured that they are no alone.

Fatigue Returns

After feeling really good for 2-3 weeks, it was very surprising and alarming when today I felt like I used to feel each day with fatigue and apathy...    I awoke this morning and after giving the cats a treat, I put a pod in the coffee machine and in less than 30 seconds had a cup of coffee that I took with me to the couch.  On my way back to the coffee machine to fetch another pod and have a second cup of coffee is when the sensation of fatigue washed over me...  it was a shock and somewhat alarming as my thoughts ran wild as to what was happening again...

• was it the chemo?
• was it the Opdivo?
• was it the radiation?
• was it my thyroid medication?
• was it growing cancer again?

For the whole day, I sat around too tired to start any task and while the only item on my list was to vacuum the above ground pool which would take me only about 40-45 minutes, I just did not have the motivation to even begin.  I was not hungry either but when my wife returned from shopping in Pigeon Forge, she brought us both a Cinnabon, I ate the entire bun without hesitation which only seem to increase my lethargy.  It was 880 calories which I had to record on my chart, causing me to exceed my 2,000/day calorie limit by over 200.

Covid Cartoons

Why not...?

Meditation Music

How My Days Unfold...

My mornings begin a lot later than they used to begin when I first retired 5 years ago...  I had worked for 45 years and was up typically at 5:00 am with coffee and writing until I needed to get ready for work around 7:00 am or so...  nowadays, I wake up sometime between 8:30 am and 9:00 am and I am not sure if it is due to my increased age or my on-going cancer treatments or my new thyroid condition...  once up, I make a cup of decaf coffee with 1-2 teaspoons of Sugar Free Cappuccino Mix and get my thyroid pill that I decided to take at 9:00 am +/-...  I drink decaf coffee laced with Sugar Free Cappuccino Mix for a couple of hours until I have a bowel movement and to keep my mind pre-occupied, I write comments that I post on my 3 blogs...

This is my routine unless I have a doctor's appointment or a cancer treatment and if one of those happens, it typically takes place as early as possible in the morning so I will not have any trouble finding a parking place close to the office so I don't have to walk as far.  Walking is a problem not because I am lazy or because of the weather but because walking long distances is a problem for me because I am easily tired and out of breath if I walk for 5 minutes...  this condition pisses me off because I have always been active all of my life and because I walk a mile on the treadmill at a speed of 3.0 (which is a 20 minute mile) to build up my endurance.  It is my heart that causes this to happen and I have a handicapped license plate because of it...

For the rest of the day, I work outside off and on in spurts of about 30-60 minutes before needing to take a rest break.  Right now, I am replacing deck boards on the deck and fixing seats and ramps in our outside, fenced-in cat area.  When not working outside or inside on something, I am researching and writing articles for my blogs.

ABOUT COVID-19

Growing Older

Meditation

Relaxing for Stress

STRESS IS A KILLER... 
Not being able to manage stress is a weakness and puts one at RISK...

Several times during the day, I will put myself in a situation where, there is no intentional sound around me like the radio or the television or other people...  and, hopefully all the cats are sleeping as well.

It does not matter if I am sitting in a chair, reclining, or laying in the bed, I intentionally close my eyes and try to empty my consciousness of all current thoughts...  this is easier said than done and took me a long time to master because as I began not to think of something, I automatically starting thinking about something.

It is like daydreaming but without the dreams...

It is quiet...

It is peaceful...

It is relaxing...

All the tension in my body fades away...

I am lifeless...

I have no awareness...

I am void and empty...

AND...   I have no idea how long it lasts...

Until We Find A Vaccine...

COVID-19 WILL BE IN THE US OF A...  in the Fall, it will return because it thrives on cold weather which will be around for 8 months...  September through April...  what will we do???

EXPERTS are saying it will be 18 months until we find a vaccine at the earliest...  if that is ACCURATE, then we will not have a VACCINE until sometime between September to December 2021...

As the spring and summer months bring warmer weather, COVID 19 will hide in plain sight only to return with a vengeance in the Fall because we let our guard down...  "out of sight, out of mind."

AND THIS IS BEING POSITIVE...

Still Very Much Concerned

RISK FACTORS FOR ME:
Age - 72
Heart Disease
Treatment for Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma
Treatment for  Metastatic Melanoma
Thyroid & Prostate Issues

When TN relaxed its Stay-at-Home Orders, I still do not leave the house unless it is for a cancer treatment or for an absolutely necessary doctor's appointment.

I still do not feel comfortable going to/on:

Lowe's or Walmart any time soon

a restaurant any time soon

a shopping mall any time soon

a movie theater any time soon

vacation any time soon

AND,

my main concern is what will be the NEW NORM for me and people like me???  If this is going to be a new norm for people like me will all the people who are not like me be tolerant of us???

Cancer Related Fatigue (CRF)

Cancer-related fatigue is one of the most common side effects of cancer and its treatment. It usually comes on suddenly, is not a result of activity or exertion, and is not relieved by rest or sleep.

Fatigue can be confused with tiredness. Everyone gets tired. In fact, it is an expected feeling after certain activities or at the end of the day. Usually, we know why we're tired and a good night's sleep will solve the problem.

Fatigue is less precise, less cause-and-effect. Fatigue is a daily lack of energy; an unusual or excessive whole-body tiredness, not relieved by sleep. It can be acute (lasting a month or less) or chronic (lasting from 1 month to 6 months or longer). Fatigue can have a profound negative impact on a person's ability to function and quality of life.

Cancer-related fatigue (CRF - sometimes simply called "cancer fatigue") is one of the most common side effects of cancer and its treatments. It is often described as "paralyzing." Usually, it comes on suddenly, does not result from activity or exertion, and is not relieved by rest or sleep. It may not end even when treatment is complete.                   READ MORE ABOUT CRF...

So far... so good...

I just started my 3rd week of exercising and last Monday I created the following 60 minute routine:

• peddle for 20 minutes
• walk 1/2 mile @ 20 minutes/mile
• peddle for 20 minutes
• walk 1/2 mile @ 20 minutes/mile

In this routine, I move from one machine to the other machine seamlessly and in so doing burn about 350 calories...  this is somewhat important because my daily calorie goal is 2,000.

Prior to the commencement of my exercise routine, my fatigue had started to disappear after plaguing me for over a year...  not sure if its the treatment or the physical adjustment or both but it is nice to have my motivation to exercise back.

So far, I've been doing ok...